Finding my destiny……..

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and suddenly on the night of 23 Dec 2005, I found a lot of inspiration to wrote poems. I had always wrote poem before but I never have the guts to let anybody read it. But exclusively here, I publish two of my poems for your readings. Hope that I will get a motivative feedback and comments from you guys. I’m just an amateur poet, with no skills at all but only with a passion for writing poems. My inspiration always come from the loneliness that I had and my past experience. Hope you guys can leave a comment.

A sorrow song of a girl to herself

how did I actually fall into a trap,

that was made from my own hand?

I feel as if I had fallen into a trap

that was carefully woven and knitted

with the thread that was made

from sorrow and sadness

by my own hands

I try to escape from this trap

that had seemed to crushed me down

far, far away from HAPPINESS

an English word that I still

could not comprehend the meaning

until today because it seems

to be a very strange word for me

the word HAPPINESS do sound strange for me, as

in this carefully woven trap of grief and sadness

I can only decipher the meaning of weep

weeping for everything that I cannot own

weeping for everything that I have lost

weeping for the pain that I have caused

weeping for the sins that I have done

no saviors nor heroes ever came

and no powers nor magic ever dare

to release me from this trap

as it was controlled and guarded

by the guards of my own fate

by the minister of my own thoughts

by the kings of my own destiny

and by the god of my own self

23/12/2005

2:21am

The song of a girl to her soul

In the world’s broad field of battle,

In the bivouac of Life,

Be not like dumb, driven cattle!

Be a hero in the strife!*

Am I just one of the dumb, driven cattle?

because I was certain that

my soul is not functioning

that it never give any original ideas

or give me the strength to lead.

My soul is like one of the driven cattle,

following others but never try

to lead others itself.

I detest my soul

for never giving me any chance

to be original without copying others.

More and more I started to think

of myself as a non-functioning creature

that have an empty soul

with no ideas on how

to look at life from a different angle.

My soul had become

a one-dimension device

that will work with only

a command from somebody else

or thoughts from powerful leaders

or examples from successful people

because my soul understands

that I will never become any of those

and that I will be one of the driven cattle

for plenty of time

until my soul find its way

to release itself.

23/12/2005

2:40am

*Quote taken from Henry Wordsworth Longfellow’s “The Psalm of Life” (1838,1839)

Have you ever ask yourself a question what will happen if you ever tell somebody that you like him or her? Or what will happen if you don’t? Have you ever ask yourself whether you are being stupid or clever by doing that? I do. And it is a question that have been playing in my mind for soo long. Recently I watch a hindustani movie (yeah, go on, laugh) I know it’s not my kind of movie but this movie is fun and have some interesting dialogue and the title is Salaam Namaste and it got Saif Ali Khan & Preity Zinta in it. It’s a very new generation movie but I’m not going to talk about the movie here but instead I want to talk about a dialogue that was said by the hero, Nick (Saif) to the heroine, Amby (Preity). He said to her: "If ten years from now, I woke up, found somebody else beside me and ask myself a question, why I never give Nick and Ambar a chance, or will something happen, I could never find out the answer because it was too late". The dialogue kinda reminds me of a brave confession that I made to someone a few days back. I kept on asking the question whether I’m doing something that is stupid or clever? But I definitely tell myself over and over again that maybe I was acting stupid. But in the end, I guess it is a matter that you can never decide. Fate will take care of it and whether there is something happen or not, never put high hopes and let it go with the flow. That way, you can live your life to the fullest and be yourself. Now I don’t want to think whether it’s a stupid decision or not because life is short, you can never know what will happen to you. So if it was fate that I will die tomorrow or anything, I won’t regret anything because I guess I had tell everything that my heart wants to say. So, if you have anything to say to anyone or anybody, have courage to do it now because life is just…unpredictable.

It’s been soo long since I ever wrote in this blog again. Heh, as if anybody would care whether I wrote in this blog or not. But anyway, to my loyal readers, Syakira, Dayat, maybe Nau and Eric, hopefully you guys had a blissful new semester and to every friends of mine too. To my friends in other university who had just started their holiday, enjoy it while you can ok. My new semester opens with a lot of unblissful incident involving the break down of my beloved PC and my ‘almost’ beloved motorcycle that cause me to moon around in the room and do nothing. But yesterday, thankfully my parents stop by here and everything had gone back normal. And I am getting normal again too (because these days I am also having nervous break down because of the sudden end of my beloved holiday). Anyway, I had release my tension two days ago by going to watch Harry Potter for the second time and watch Aeon Flux straight after that. My opinion..(heheh, I’m a movie critics..perasan) both films are good but Aeon Flux didn’t seem to fulfill my expectation of it. It’s more of a love story than an action flick. But I like Charlize Theron’s style,(except her shoes..though) and I do think she can la become action heroine because of her serious face. Harry Potter.. did liven up to my expectation and I enjoyed it amidst the sounds of children crying and talking around me in the cinema while I’m watching it. I guess that’s how it goes if you are watching movies that have kids in it (even though I think they had actually became teenagers). The kids in the cinema also make noise as if they were part of the movie. I’m not annoyed, really but I think their parents should take care of the kids much more instead of being drown in the movies themselves. I wonder what are the new challenges that I have to face this semester. I hope it’s not jerebu again and I also hope we will not lack of water again. I wish for a happy and quiet semester even though I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ll stop here before anyone yawns. To end this, I present to you Jo In Sung’s new look with his new haircut (this is especially for Syakira and her sisters that like him). I still like him though. Don’t be surprise!!!